Hello, friends. In this episode, I walk you through a calming meditation to help you get through the rest of the year. It has been designed to help you reconnect to the things that keep you going! There will be ad breaks in the main episode, but the full uninterrupted version is available for free here on the website. I hope you find it helpful.
Today we are going to do a guided meditation. First, I want to introduce the frame and concept to you and then we will go through a meditation together. The point of this meditation is to help you get through the rest of the year. If you are encountering this after 2020, that’s okay. This still applies. We all need to reconnect to the things that keep us going. This year, it’s just extra relevant.
First off, I want to congratulate you. You are doing a good job. Stop shaking your head. You are. Even if you are simply trying to make it through each day. You are doing the best you can right now. Trying to try counts. If you are struggling with balancing work or school, I see you. If you are juggling kids and worried every day about them growing up alright, I see you. If you find yourself facing familiar old demons because your normal everyday defensive have been worn down, I see you. We are in this together. We are all doing the best that we can in our own ways. That version of best might be different than the best that you were able to put out in the past. That’s okay. Everything is contextual. Things are different right now. Even if it’s not different for you in tangible ways. There are so many little aspects of the world and life that are just slightly askew. That’s absolutely enough on its own to make you feel off kilter.
We have all collectively been going through some shit this year. So before we go any further, I want you to give the frustration, anger, and annoying a moment of attention. Think about the ways that this year has sucked. Think about the plans you had that needed to be adjusted, the picture of your life you didn’t get to have. It’s okay to be annoyed at that. You SHOULD be annoyed at that. It fucking sucks. In a moment we are going to take a deep breath together, but instead of breathing out slowly, I want you to make whatever guttural noise or swear word best expresses those feelings that you are connecting to. Let’s do it again. Really let it out. We are going to move toward more positive feelings, but that doesn’t mean these negative ones have to go away. We are going to keep kicking ass WHILE things also kinds suck majorly. One more time in… let it out.
Good job. We have given those negative feelings a moment of recognition. That’s great. Since we are allowing that anger and frustration to be there, we can investigate a little further. I find that for most negative feelings, there is a positive flip side. Let’s imagine a scenario where you are angry at your spouse for never making time for you. You might be exhausted and downtrodden by the lack of consideration. Well, what’s the flip side of that? What’s the positive emotion that’s driving that pain? In other words, what do you NOT have that is making you feel so bad? In this case, the flip side might be a yearning for connection. It’s not about each little instance of your partner failing to consider you. It’s not about the dishes or making a plan for your birthday. It’s about the fact that you are desperately yearning for that connection for that love.
This is a great way to reframe the situation without denying anything. Sometimes it’s not as helpful to work so hard at reducing negative emotions and negative experiences. Sometimes it can be even more useful to look at the flip side. Look at the positive experience that you are not getting. This is a goal. This is a target. This is something that you can breathe life into and work toward in whatever big or small ways you can.
So, take a moment to reflect quietly within yourself. I will stay quiet for a few seconds, so if you need to reach over and pause this while you think, please do so. I’d like you to reflect on the frustrations that you’ve had this year. Which particular scenes or moments from the past year are coming up? What sort of negative emotions do they conjure up in you? Then ask yourself why? What is the flip side of these negative emotions? What is the positive that you are yearning for? What is the target? Please take a moment to reflect.
Now that you have had a chance to reflect and feel this out, if there are more than one positive emotions that seem to represent the flip side of your anger and negative emotions, I’m going to ask you to pick just one. You can always come back to this meditation with a different one another time. This positive desire is going to be your goal. This is going to be your target and your guiding light. Don’t tell me what it is. You don’t even have to be able to articulate it out loud. But feel that desire and hold on to that. We are going to use it as we dive into the meditation.
Let’s get into the meditation new. Before we begin – make sure you kind find yourself a comfortable position to stay in for a while. Feel free to shift positions and move around if you need to, but focus on being as still as works for you and your body. Let’s take a couple deep breaths. One more breath and this time, if you aren’t already close your eyes. Hold in your mind the desire that we found earlier. Notice how your mind and body react to this positive yearning. Do you see images or scenes from your life? Do you have words or feelings that come up? Be curious and notice them…
This is your motivation source. This is what drives you. This is one of the things that keeps you pushing forward even though there is are voices internally and externally telling you not to. I want you to take a moment to take a few deep breaths again. Each time, I want you to find a visualization that represents strengthening this motivation source. Connecting more deeply with it. Maybe you are imaging it filling you up like light flooding your body. Maybe it’s a thread that gets woven together with another thread and another with each breath connecting you to this source of power. Breathe life into it. Fortify it. Breathe in and really pull that breath inward to your core. Let it fill you and fortify you the same way we are fortifying this link. Let it out slowly.
Shake it out, loosen up. Settle back in.
Now that we have bolstered that connection to our motivation, to our target, to our desire, I’d like you to reflect on how we can use this motivation. Imagine that you went to sleep tonight and when you woke up the next day, it was not the frustration driving you, but the positive urges that represent the flip side of that frustration. Imagine that you woke up and your well of motivation was full. That you were ready to act and move toward these values and desires. What would that looks like? How would your day be different? What would be the first thing that you notice in your day that serves as a hint that something has shifted? Take a breath and reflect on this.
There is courage in each step. Even the small ones. Even if it’s setting yourself up and setting the stage. At the same time, at some point, we need to take action. You can’t just set the stage and hope motivation will find you. You need to act and find that motivation. Hold the positive target emotion that we’ve been using in the center of your mind. Imagine that it is a flashlight guiding your attention. Take a deep breath and see where the beam of that flashlight lands within your life. Perhaps this is your next step. This is the area that you need to take some action big or small. Draw from the fire of that motivating factor to push you just that extra inch. What step can you take?
Things were not always so stuck for you. I have no moral judgment whatsoever about where you are now. I think it makes perfect sense. And at the same time we want to move forward. Think of a time when you were motivated. Imagine a time that you got lost in the flow of an activity or a project. No matter how big or small. You got in the zone and time flew by. Try to feel that sense of satisfaction you had. Maybe a little exhaustion in there as well, but definitely satisfaction. You were able to lose yourself for just that bit of time and work toward your goal. That feels good.
Now here’s where it gets interesting. Take that feeling of satisfaction and connect a thread from that to your motivating force. Allow them to intermingle. Imagine the sense of satisfaction that you will have when you are moving in a direction consistent with your desires and values. When you are able to harness that motivation and use it to move. Take a few breaths and bask in how good that feels. That’s powerful.
Let me share a little secret with you. Tonight, I felt very uninspired and unmotivated to create this meditation for you. I felt frustrated by that fact. I felt annoyed and mad at myself for not having something ready to go… for procrastinating a bit… for not having the sudden inspiration to whip something up at a moment’s notice. Why did I feel that way? What’s the positive of the flip side of that frustration? It’s care. I give a shit about you. I desperately want to craft something that can help move the needle just a tiny bit for you with the hope that any influence I have is just the lead domino in a long line that continues in a positive direction. That’s my desire. I want to make a small impact for you in a time that is so damn hard. So, instead of only ruminating on that frustration, I tried to connect to this motivator. When I got distracted from my work, I re-centered myself on that reminder and took the immediate next step. The next word, the next bullet point. And here we are. I think that this has been a really special way to connect with you and hopefully help a little bit.
We got this, friends. It’s absolutely okay to feel difficult emotions. It’s okay to feel mad, let down, frustrated, and anything else that has popped up over the course of this year. There is a power in those frustrations because they represent the flip side of your aspirations. Connect to those aspirations. Borrow some of their power. Take that first step. Then the next one.
I’m going to leave you to your own thoughts in a minute here. But before you go, I want you to do one last visualization for me. Take that positive emotion. The desire, the goal, the inspiration that we found earlier. Imagine that it’s a tiny glowing core in the center of your being. As you continue to take some nice breaths, I want each breath to fuel the intensity of that core. Allow it to grow and spread throughout your body. Allow it to fill you. Allow it to strengthen you and make you more powerful. Stoke the flames and build up the fire inside you. And when you are ready… get out there and take that first step.
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