Will a therapist or a psychiatrist get rid of you if you don’t get well fast enough? What do you do to keep yourself from worrying about it at every session?

Normalize this fear – it’s a very common worry and makes sense, especially if you have depression you’re going to assume that you aren’t doing well enough. It’s not a competition to do well or struggle. If you think about it, it’s actually in a provider’s best interest to hold onto clients over time.

I can’t speak for every provider obviously but the answer is predominantly no. You are expected to be struggling. That’s part of it. Furthermore, it actually hinders your progress to lie to your providers or just try to impress them. It’s typically not something we take personally. Ultimately, we want to find what works for you and that takes some time. Research also says it takes quite a while to develop a strong alliance. We often don’t have that kind of patience or opportunity.

In terms of how to deal with it – I think one important thing is to expect it. Don’t beat yourself up for having this fear. It’s normal. You can also talk to your provider about it. Let them know you’re worried about this.

Coping with anxiety or stress caused by career/income instability during and post-pandemic! Especially knowing student loan payment are forthcoming

Man this is so real. I’m sure you know this, but you are not alone. MANY people in my personal and professional lives are feeling mounting stress from this. People are even having nighttime panic attacks. It is totally understandable.

I think given the circumstances, you SHOULD feel scared. That’s not even necessarily a maladaptive response. You’re talking about safety here. Money means housing and it means food. Those things are on the bottom of the pyramid. It’s so hard to be expected to function well with the top-level stuff if the bottom of the pyramid is unstable. If you can find a way for that fear to drive you toward productivity, then great! If there is a side job or other income opportunities that you can engage with to get through, that’s awesome. It’s not as easy as that in many cases though. I think a lot of people will be ignoring repayments and debt for a bit because they have no other choice. I’m not sure how all of that will shake out in the end, but you need to eat.

I would encourage you to allow yourself to worry and allow yourself to be pissed. Maybe even set aside time for it. And then also set aside time to challenge your assumptions, look at the worst-case scenarios, and see if there are creative options that you haven’t noticed yet. It helps to talk to other people about this as well. I think given the circumstances it is normal to start to feel hopeless and not look beyond the scope of the next few days. On the days where you can’t look further, focus on being mindful and present. There are small joys to the present moment, even if they take some effort to see. Just get through day by day.

When you have it in you, push yourself to plan, analyze, and see what the options are. Even if the options aren’t great, you are going to feel better knowing that you have options of some kind.

Hello Robert,

I am just starting my journey of self help. It’s terrifying to face it alone. I know it’s something nobody can do for me. My girlfriend recently asked for a break for those reasons. How do I focus on my self help while struggling with the space she needs?

Thank you so much for your care in humanity! You and Joelle are such a strong and inspirational couple.

Thanks for the compliments and for the great question.

I’m sorry that you are on a break with your girlfriend. That is hard on its own. I want to stress to you that just because you are not with her, that doesn’t mean that you are alone. It’s super easy to fall into all-or-nothing thinking when going through a breakup or just a break. Professionals, friends, family, and even internet strangers can all prove to be significant sources of support.

This is a time when you are trying to learn to rely on yourself more and you are trying to learn how to work through the issues that you are facing. That’s allowed to be hard. Think of it like a period of training. This period of training is going to be beneficial in the end whether or not you get back together with your girlfriend. Ideally, the goal here is not to get back together but rather to work on those issues and symptoms that may have gotten in the way of your relationship’s success. That will help you as an individual and in any relationship you have from here on.

It’s quite possible that you’ve fallen into a degree of codependency. Because of that, you will probably need to find a replacement for that comfort. Much like when you’re trying to break a drinking habit etc. By this I don’t mean hopping into another relationship, but rather beneficial activities that can distract you, therapy, groups, recurring meetings with friends, hobbies, etc. There is a void that you may need to fill to some extent while you figure out how to tolerate loneliness and the loudness of your own thoughts a little bit.

Avoid triggers for memories, sad music, etc., and what is satisfying is not always what is healthy. Pump in the good content.

You can do this.