I am writing to you from the uk. I stumbled across your podcasts during the pandemic and have worked my way through most of them. I immediately warmed to your style and you have been of huge help to me from afar, thank you. Part of why I like your podcast is that I am too am persuading an “alternative lifestyle” I don’t really believe in the idea of monogamy anymore and being bisexual have realised I feel trapped by monogamous relationships that don’t allow me to fully explore my sexuality on an ongoing basis.

I started therapy two years ago and my question is centred around my current therapist, who is amazing, but also we have some unique issue going on that I have tried to tackle with her directly and now feel like I need a therapy session about this to move forward with. I realised rather early in my therapy that I found my therapist physically attractive, and this is something I brought to her attention. She dealt with it calmly and with tact. I then spoke to her about wanting to have a non-conventional relationship, something I had previously been shamed about with another therapist. She again approached the subject with kindness and tact. Soon after discussing both topics I saw my therapist on a non-conventional dating app, basically her and her partner were looking for another woman to join them. This to me was like torture! I fancied my therapist and now she was on a dating app pursuing the same lifestyle as me. I may have imagined it (but I don’t think I have) but there have been times I have felt the attraction is mutual. Nothing hugely obvious, more body language and some of her verbal responses when we have discussed my attraction. I have a long line of past trauma and I feel like this makes me acutely aware of my surroundings and peoples responses etc.

After a long period of time, I finally brought it to her attention that I had seen her on the app. She replied saying that she would never confirm or deny elements of her private life as that was her boundary. That felt like a bit of a cop out to me and I tried to raise it again in the next session. She replied saying that I don’t always have to “blow things up” , this was clearly her response to feeling anxious herself about the topic and nothing to do with me. Her reaction felt a little akin to one of the issues we discuss in therapy, my parent’s inability to discuss difficult subjects (my sister abused me as a child) and I now feel I’m not daring to push her on it any further, much the same as I don’t push my parents beyond where I dare.  I am concerned that the therapeutic lines have become complex, yet at the same time I feel a deep connection with her that allows me to dive to very deep levels that I haven’t before and is extremely beneficial. What do I do? Continue trying to work with her in the raw, authentic way I have been or consider if this is still serving me 100%?

Question 2:

Hey Duff,

Long-time podcast listener, first-time question asker. In a society that’s growing more and more accepting of cannabis, what thoughts and advice do you have for people that are dealing with cannabis use disorder along with other mental health issues (depression and anxiety).

Thanks!