Hello, friends. In this episode, I answer two questions that relate to starting to date again after past abuse, and healing your marriage when you’re angry with your partner for cheating on you.
While I will try to keep it brief I think context is important to the question.
Growing up I was sexually abused by my brother, this took place from ages 10-14. I also had a verbally/emotionally abusive stepdad. This created some mistrust of men early. Fast forward to college where I started dating. I’ve only had one long-term serious partner and I broke it off for various reasons but one of them was sabotaging my own happiness. There were other reasons of course but looking back I realized I was scared of being in a relationship where I had to be vulnerable, I also felt like I didn’t deserve him. Fast forward about a year, I am dating again and then I get sexually assaulted by my boyfriend at the time, which caused a massive spiral. Since then I have only gone on one or two dates and then broke it off.
Currently, I identify as bisexual and as a demisexual. And while I have worked through much of this trauma in therapy, my therapist wasn’t helpful in this aspect. I do see a psychiatrist for monitoring my medication and was diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD, anxiety, and depression. With all this in mind, how can I start dating again? I know it’s going to be a work in progress and I want to be in a relationship but if I even get touched in the wrong place I freeze up. It’s like I have no regulation, I go from zero to 100 in like five seconds and then I sabotage the relationship and start the cycle again.
Hello, I wanted to start off by saying I love the podcast, it gives me a lot of insight even when I can’t always relate to the questions that are asked.
I had a question about healing relationships where there’s been cheating. I love my husband so much and I don’t want to leave him. But he cheated on me and I just feel so mad at him and like I don’t care about his feelings anymore. As far as I know, he didn’t cheat physically but was asking girls for sexual pictures and giving them attention online.
This was especially hurtful because it was around the same time I had miscarried. Also, he had quit his job to start his own and I had been supporting our family, in some of the messages I saw between him and other women, he was offering to pay for their salon trips, or asking to go to the gym with them, meanwhile I was struggling financially and could’ve totally used a trip to the salon, and I had asked him so many times to join me at the gym.
I love him so much but I have suggested divorce, he doesn’t want that. But when we’re together I’m just always so so angry with him. Do you have any advice on how we can heal this? He is doing therapy on his own, as am I, however he declined wanting to try couples counseling because “he is scared”.
Episode 295 – Related Posts
As well as listening to the podcast, you can also find my thoughts on the questions in written format in these related posts!
Question 1 – Will I Ever Be Able To Have A Relationship Again? – Duff The Psych
Question 2 – My Husband Cheated On Me, How Can I Heal and Save My Relationship? – Duff The Psych
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