Hey Dr. Duff, Big fan, I hope you see this question.

I am a nurse and I am in school to be a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, graduate in March. I’m telling you that to tell you that you are a person that I want to model my practice off of.  That is not why I am writing to you, however. I am writing to you because I want to know if you have any advice on how to deal with an abusive ex that you have children with so you are forced to interact with on a regular basis. Here is some context into my situation.

I’m a 32-year-old man, and I have two children with my ex-wife, with whom I was dating and married to for about 12 years. She was an extremely controlling and emotionally abusive person, so much so that I was pretty much blind to it and just excepted it without questioning. I came to accept over those 12 years that I meant nothing to anyone and I deserved nothing from her, emotionally or otherwise. She isolated me from my friends and attempted to isolate me from my family, which was successful in many regards, but I have since repaired that aspect of my life.

I’ve never had any sort of therapy or counseling apart from an employee assistance program which consisted of two zoom calls with a counselor. I deal with depression and anxiety because of my past. First off there’s a stigma that men cannot be the victim of abuse by a female, which I have to deal with pretty regularly. The main issue, though, is that I have to talk to her several times a week in regards to my children. Every time that I have to talk to her she makes me feel like she used to, little and inferior and with no confidence or hope. I get so stressed out and depressed even though I have been divorced from her since 2018.

What can I do to handle these interactions? She threatens me and belittles me and tells me that I am the worst father in the world, yet my kids want to live with me full-time and cry every time they have to go back to her house. We have 50/50 custody so deal with each other a lot.

Question 2:

Hi, I was listening to you about the therapist. I have been with a psychologist for 13 sessions and I am not quite sure if it is working or not.

I just feel she is listening and giving me feedback over what I talk…we have recognised some stuff that happened in my past, but after we discover it next session we don’t talk about it. She sits down and look at me expecting for me to start speaking. I can’t see a report, I can’t feel I am progressing or having a plan or at least follow-ups over what we discover. And after 13 sessions I just feel her not truly engaged in helping me but my paycheck. I just don’t know how to put those facts on the table. What do you think I can ask her?

I don’t wanna try other person because she knows me but this is not feeling right. Thanks for reading me. I am living in Australia but I am from South America.