Hello, friends! In this episode, I answer questions centered around having to curb the expression of suicidal thoughts due to upsetting your therapist, and feeling the need to have a meaningful relationship while preventing codependency.
I have no idea if you’ll remember this, but nearly a year ago I sent an email that you answered on the pod asking about when to take my own suicidality seriously.
Since then, I have started therapy and it’s helped me process a lot, though some days are still harder than others. I’ve been with one therapist and we have a good therapeutic relationship. The main issue I’m having, though, that I wasn’t really expecting is that on the harder days, when my suicidality is really bad and the thoughts are really active, it seems that my therapist gets frustrated and sometimes even angry with me.
She raises her voice more, she pushes me a lot harder than I’m comfortable with, and her comments feel much more critical. During one particular session, for example, she kept asking what was stopping me from just jumping out the window right then and there, and I ended up having to call the suicide hotline later that day.
My question is, how do I address this with her? I feel like I now have to work around her feelings and tone down when I’m feeling suicidal so as not to upset her. I don’t want to find another therapist, but it’s making me feel more guilty to know I’m burdening her like this. Sometimes it even contributes to the suicidal thoughts where I think that even my therapist would be better off if I weren’t here to take up her time.
I’m sorry this is long, and thank you in advance if you answer it. I really appreciate everything you do with the podcast and your books!
Hi Duff, I was recently listening to an episode on exercise anxiety and ghosting, and you mentioned at one point that maybe this particular person is someone who “finds stability in relationships.”
In the past, I feel like this has been true in my relationships. I find a lot of stability in having a partner and knowing someone has got my back and loves me. I even kind of do this with my friendships–I get very attached to particular people and feeling safe around them.
My question is, when does this become a problem? I’ve become way more independent in the last few years and don’t ‘need people as much,’ but there is still a part of me that just longs for a relationship and having ‘a person,’ whether that is a friend or romantic partner. For me, it becomes ‘I don’t know who I am without this person’ easily, and I don’t want to do that in my next relationship.
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