Hello, friends. In this episode, I answer two questions about when substance abuse becomes a problem, and not wanting relationships to end or accepting it’s time to move on, even when it is resulting in unhappiness.
Hi Dr. Duff! I have a question regarding substance abuse/dependency. How do I know when there is a problem? Lately, I’ve been trying to be better about moderating how much alcohol and weed I have because I worry I like them too much. But I often wonder how to know when I like them a little TOO much. Since trying to moderate, I have had binging problems as well. It’s like knowing I am trying not to have it makes it harder to not have it, and then I indulge a lot because I tell myself to just get it out of my system. Then it all kind of starts over. I’m not binging like crazy but just enough that it makes me question what’s normal and what’s not.
Hello Dr. Duff,
I’ve only recently discovered your podcast, but I have found it very interesting and helpful in this time of my life.
I was in a relationship for only five months, we had been friends since I moved to this area, about six months before dating, and most of my friends in this city are also in this group of people. The relationship was open, and other romantic relationships were allowed.
Four the first four months neither of us saw other people, just casually. He decided to take on a second partner during my hardest week – while I was in the middle of moving, of having to give up my cat of 7 years, and the week I had quit my second job. We hadn’t set real boundaries yet, the ones we discussed in the beginning of our relationship were basic and, in his words, “loose”. So, we had that discussion that week, too, and he did not like the boundaries I set but assured me if he wanted to break up it would have happened that night.
Immediately after, he got cold and distant and stopped messaging me the way he had been, wouldn’t make plans with me, and when I did see him, he was always looking for reasons to leave. And I broke mentally, I had nightmares, I had breakdowns, I had days where I couldn’t decide between going to the ER or worse. We broke up this past weekend, and I’m not so much hurt that it ended but how it ended, in all this period of time was four weeks between that boundaries talk and the breakup. I had tried so hard to hold on, I made compromises to my boundaries, I begged him to tell me how he felt. I don’t understand why I accommodated him so much to try and get him to stay.
I am getting professional help now. But I would like to know, why do I break down so severely and hold on so tightly when I can feel the end is coming?
This episode of Hardcore Self Help is sponsored by BetterHelp and Uncommon Goods.
If you are in a mental health slump, consider reaching out to a licensed professional to help. BetterHelp has a large counselor network and you can begin chatting with someone very quickly. Check out betterhelp.com/duff to get 10% off your first month.
Uncommon Goods is here to make your holiday shopping stress-free by scouring the globe for the most remarkable and truly unique gifts for everyone on your list. To get 15% off your next gift, go to uncommongoods.com/duff.
Thanks for Listening!
If you know someone else who might benefit from today’s show, please do share it with them. Send them a link or shoot over a screenshot, and share it on social media to show your support – you never know who needs to hear this type of information.
Got a topic or a guest you’d like to appear on the show? Or interested in having Duff answer a question on the podcast? Please get in touch! Email Duff and maybe you’ll hear it on a future episode!
Want to help out the show and Duff the Psych?
- Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.
- Leave a podcast review on iTunes. These reviews really help Duff reach potential listeners, and he appreciates every one!
- Share the show on Facebook or Twitter.
- You can also buy Duff a cup of coffee, which helps fuel the energy that goes straight back into creating more content for YOU!