Today I want to address a question I got from a reader on how to deal with anxiety over money. This type of anxiety is super common; it’s something I even deal with in my own family. Money will always be a thing, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue stressing over it. Continue reading below to find out more about how to deal with anxiety over money.

Question: How to Deal with Anxiety Over Money

I’m not sure common it is to have anxiety over money but it seems to be something that I struggle with. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I am working on that with my current therapist. One thing that I have struggled with in recent years is anxiety over money. I’m gonna guess it maybe showed its ugly face sometime after I got married and we shared a joint bank account, maybe about 7-8 years ago. My wife may disagree but this is how long I can remember it being around. Together my wife and I make good money. We are financially stable. Both work decent paying jobs. Both of our jobs are pretty secure. We both have vehicles paid off. My credit score is great and we have very low balances on our cards. In the bank we have enough to cover us for a few months if we were to lose one of our jobs. In addition to all this we both have a 401k. And I even have a pension system I pay into. But for some reason I still stress over money. Not necessarily how much is being made but how much we spend and how much we having in the bank. I know we are financially stable but I still get anxious over what we have and how my wife spends. And it’s not like she is out running up crazy amounts of bills. For some reason I can be fine spending an amount on something but if my wife spends the same amount on the same thing I get anxious or worry. And I am not sure why. So that’s my dilemma. If there is any help, suggestions or advice you can provide. I would greatly appreciate it.

So first off, hell yes it’s normal. Aside from public speaking, money is probably one of the top sources of anxiety for people. The world basically runs on money so it’s normal to have a lot of emotions tied to that. You’re in an interesting position because you objectively have very little to worry about. Which makes me wonder about the source of your worry. I don’t know much about your background, but maybe there is a time in your past where you learned that you needed to protect your money and be hyper-vigilant of it. Of course being careful with money is good and can help you to amass more wealth, but we do want to be concerned if it’s interfering with your mental health or overall well-being.

First things first, don’t feel dumb. Sure, it’s a problem that comes with privilege, but it’s a very real experience for you. It doesn’t sound like you lack perspective and you understand your position well, but if you ever do need some perspective, try volunteering. Getting out and seeing how other people live might help with gratitude. Not guilt – you have nothing to feel guilty about. But it may put a different spin on things for you.

You mentioned that you have GAD. One of the biggest drivers of anxiety for people is uncertainty and unpredictability. Is there an element of that here? When your wife goes to the store or when you collectively need to make some purchases, is it less about the dollar amount itself than just not knowing how much you will be spending before hand? If so, there are some things you can do about that. Even if you aren’t in a bad spot, budgeting can be helpful and agreeing on some parameters that you are comfortable with and that make sense in your life, so you can take some of the uncertainty out of the situation. You would want to have leisure spending guidelines so you can retain autonomy and not micromanage, but still have some confidence about what will be spent.

Maybe you don’t talk about money in a constructive way because you’re doing fine and there doesn’t seem to be a reason to. You don’t need to harp on her or make it feel punitive, but having loving, supportive talks about money and approaches to finance can help to ease the tension because it’s already out in the air and you’ve gotten exposure to it. I also encourage you to push yourself a bit harder in the self-exploration department. Use a journal to keep track of your anxiety or agitation regarding money. Push yourself to identify what it is that you are feeling. What you are picturing, what you are saying to yourself etc. That may help you to clarify further.

The last thing to remember is that you are allowed to have anxiety or worries about money. However, you may want to decide on what your behavior will be regardless of what your emotional state is. Then you can just carry out the behavior you decided on and work with that anxiety and let it pass. When you make simple rules and guidelines for yourself and your family, it helps to take the guesswork out of situations. Less guesswork means less uncertainty, which might mean less anxiety. Good luck!

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