I’m sorry this happened! It’s a common reaction to a situation like this. 6 years is quite a bit of time to build a good therapeutic relationship and an attachment to someone. This is even more amplified if we are talking about a history of trauma. That stuff can be exceptionally hard to open up about, so letting go one of one of the few people you trust with your more personal information can be so difficult. I’m really proud of you for taking the chance on someone else and giving them the opportunity to try to help out. It sounds like you have been pleased with this new therapist. You mentioned that you’ve made progress together, which is awesome. It sounds like you’ve really been showing up and trying your best.

I think that one of the things happening here is that you have not let go of your previous therapeutic relationship. This is probably going to be one of those questions where you already know the answer, but you just need to hear it from me. When I say that you haven’t let go of your other therapeutic relationship, I don’t mean that you haven’t gotten over the loss or I expect you to stop caring about them or something. I’m just saying that you literally have not let go. You don’t have separation from your previous therapist. That makes it more difficult to grieve and move forward, because you can still rely on them as a safety person to fall back on. That door is still open. They aren’t actually gone. You keep in contact with her, which is understandable, but it is also probably making things worse, as you mentioned in your question. This isn’t exactly parallel to a breakup because it was circumstantial. She closed her practice. You weren’t dumped. However, there are definitely some similarities in the approach. When you break up with someone, but keep that door open and continue having this contact or reach out when you are having a difficult time, you are perpetuating the pain of breaking up. You have one fit in still, so the pain remains fresh.

For many people, you need some separation to move on. Moving on doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten your previous therapist or don’t care about your relationship. It means that you are accepting the reality that she is not your therapist anymore and she cannot be your friend. It’s time for you to be in a new phase of life without her guidance. That’s hard. That will likely lead to sadness and grief. But it’s still true. You are robbing yourself of the opportunity to process and work through that grief because she’s actually still present in your life to some degree. You are strong enough to move forward. You have a new therapist and you are in a new phase of your treatment. There’s nothing wrong with that.

You may have some mildly codependent worries about upsetting your old therapist or hurting her feelings by cutting things off. In reality, she should have already done that for you. But I encourage you to be clear with her. Just say that you have realized that you are holding onto the past and you enjoyed working with her so much that it has been hard to move forward. But you recognize that you are only going to be able to do that if you eliminate her as a safety person and as a crutch. You will likely have feelings and insecurities, which is a great thing to talk about and process with your new therapist.

This is a short and sweet answer here, but as I said, I think you already know the answer. Things are much easier when the therapeutic relationship has a definitive end. That’s one of the unique things about it. It’s not a friendship, it’s not a familial relationship, and it’s not supposed to be.

You can do it!