In episode 282, I received a question from a listener who had recently been ghosted by a girl, leaving them feeling confused and upset. In this post, I cover a few reasons as to why this might be bothering them more than they expected and offer pointers on what you can do to help move forward.
So for a while now I thought I was good at handling rejection, but come to find out, there are different forms of being rejected because I recently got “ghosted” by a girl I met on a dating app. Everything was going well, went on a couple of dates and had lots of fun got to know her pretty well and all of a sudden after 2-3 weeks of nonstop talking/texting, she stops answering altogether. I’m having a really hard time getting over this and I don’t know why. It’s something very insignificant but for some reason, it is really bothering me. I think it has more to do with not knowing “why” she ghosted me rather than the actual fact that she did. What advice can you give me to overcome this because it’s really been affecting me and for some reason giving me lots of anxiety?
Good question! I’m sorry you had to experience this.
It’s a tough situation as you receive no closure or explanation, being left taking guesses at why this has happened. It feels like a rejection – truly you have no idea why she dropped off, but it’s totally common to feel like you did something wrong. There is a part of this that is totally normal. It really sucks to lose a romantic opportunity, especially when you’re blindsided and it feels like something was going well.
Now, in this case it sounds like that disappointment and frustration is bleeding over a bit into other areas. That’s worth digging into a bit. Often when we don’t have an answer for the why behind someone’s actions, we use it as a platform for our own confirmation bias. So how do you feel about yourself in general? Are you treating this as a confirmation of a negative view that you already hold about yourself? Taking the attitude like “see? told you!” Are there other stressors in your life that this was helping you cope with and now they are more evident and revealed? These are all aspects that should be considered and may be a reason as to why you might be finding this particularly difficult.
There are some things you can do to help though. A great start would be to conduct a thought log, taking the time to examine your assumptions and challenge them if needed. Journaling will also be your friend – don’t just ignore it, write about it and keep processing it. Keep moving forward and don’t take this as a sign that something is fundamentally wrong that needs to be solved. Act as if it were something that was just unfortunate and that’s about it, nothing more. Finally, get back out there – prove yourself wrong!
You can listen to this on Episode 282 of the podcast!
Thank you for the great question!
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