In episode 290, I received a really interesting question wondering whether it’s normal for them to ruminate about therapy, replaying past conversations, or planning out possible future scenarios. In this post, I look more deeply into this and offer my thoughts on whether it’s good practice to spend time ruminating about therapy.
The Question
Is it bad to ruminate about therapy? I noticed that I spend a significant amount of time thinking about therapy. Nearly every time I have a moment to myself like driving to and from work, showering, or even when I’m falling asleep, I tend to think about conversations that I’ve had with my therapist or I plan out conversations that I want to have with them in my head. It almost feels like I’m going to a safe place in my head. When I don’t want or need to be fully attentive to what’s going on around me I can easily occupy myself with these past or pretend conversations. Is this normal?
My Thoughts
This is a really interesting question. Thank you! On the whole, I think it’s pretty normal to think about therapy often, but I understand why you are writing in because the amount that you are thinking about it is definitely on the upper end of the spectrum.
My overarching answer to this question is going to be that it’s only a problem if it’s a problem. If you were to substitute therapy for something else you are interested and involved with how would you feel about it? For example, if you are into coding or rock climbing, you might think about those very frequently throughout the day. I can recall being in boring jobs and thinking about video games that I was playing at the time while zoning out. Imagine what I might do next time I play, imaging builds for characters etc. Even something more intense like sex. You might think about sex constantly, but is that really a problem? I’d say not really unless it causes you problems.
What would problems look like? Are you using it to avoid tasks that you absolutely need to do, which is causing you trouble in work or school? Is it causing you issues in your interpersonal relationships? Is it making you get into accidents because you are zoned out and not focused on the present moment? Is it causing you a significant amount of subjective discomfort? These are some of the questions to think about when you are considering if you need to be concerned about this tendency. If the persistent thinking about therapy is not causing you any sort of impairment like this, and especially if it’s helping or making you happy, I’d say that you’re probably all good.
Aspects to consider
There are a few other things that you might want to think about here. Is this just the latest expression of a common pattern for you? In other words, do you tend to ruminate on things in general? Do you constantly practice fights or discussions in your head? This could just be the current target of that tendency. Even if you do have that pattern, it’s not necessarily a problem. It’s a common thing for many people with anxiety and on the more extreme end, you also have people with OCD that have significant recurrent intrusive thoughts. But in this case, these thoughts would most likely be causing you discomfort and concern.
I can see some ways where this tendency to get stuck on ideas of therapy could be a good thing. Maybe it’s just your convenient platform for mentally working through issues. You referred to it as your safe space. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, part of the therapeutic process ideally is to help you develop mental models and ways of thinking that persist beyond therapy. It’s normal to have the voice of your therapist in your head and you can work through things “with them” even when you’re not in session. I’d also be curious about how long you’ve been in therapy. If this is a new and exciting thing for you, it makes a lot more sense why you’d be constantly thinking about it. That’s kind of how we work as humans. When we get into something new and like it, we think about it a lot. We mentally rehearse aspects of it and it occupies a lot of our mental space. This can be the case with something like a new job or a new relationship.
Making good outcomes in your life
If you haven’t had a lot of opportunities to work through issues previously and you have been bursting at the seams with unaddressed issues, now that you have a good structure for processing these things, you may simply be hooked. It can be very self-reinforcing if you actually see a benefit from it. If the rumination on therapy is leading you to good outcomes in your life, you will be inclined to do it more. If therapy and the way of addressing issues in therapy is a huge departure from the way you operate in other areas of your life, it could just be the contrast that’s really interesting and novel to you. Maybe you’re getting a little addicted to bettering yourself. That might not be such a bad thing!
So, I hope that helps give some of my perspective on it. After listening to this, if you are concerned that this might be an unhealthy pattern or you can see ways that it is causing you issues, I would advise you to actually bring it up with your therapist. Talk with them about it in session. That could be a really rich discussion and if there is something to be done about it, they would be the best equipped to help you through it.
You can listen to this on Episode 290 of the podcast!
Thank you for the great question!
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